A MOTHERS BURDEN

A MOTHERS BURDEN

"I am NOT just bored mum," pleaded Laura, "there's something wrong with
me!"
Pat could clearly hear how upset her eldest daughter was, yet wasn't
she always? Whenever a slight drama occurred, Laura was sure to turn it
into a crisis!
"Listen Laura, put baby into his bouncer, give Jake his football and go
and do some spring cleaning or something. Take your mind off it all and
before you know it Sam will be home to take over for a while!"
Pat imagined how she must sound to her daughter, however, patronising
as it may sound, she was convinced she was right. Laura had too much
time to think, and clearly didn't keep herself busy enough.
"We've all been there Laura, having children is tiring, but you need to
pick yourself up and keep busy. Take the boys out for some fresh air
maybe, it'll make you feel better too!"
In Pats day of course, you couldn't sit around feeling sorry for
yourself, you had to get on with it, which hadn't done her two any harm
had it?
She thought now of Laura's sister, her youngest, Kim. Yes, she may have
cost Laura a fortune in solicitors fee's for her recent divorce, no,
she may not have a career path planned exactly, and sure, she seemed
quite happy handing her son Luke over each evening and every weekend to
Laura for looking after whilst she pulled pints in the local pub, but
she was outgoing, always had been! At least she got herself out there,
had fun, something Pat knew, dragging her mind back to her eldest,
Laura had NEVER managed to do!
From the age of 13 Laura had been on a rollercoaster of emotions due to
her disastrous leap from one serious relationship to another. Pat had
often told her these boys were no good. One year with Paul, three years
with Steve (nice young lad), Another year with Alan, all of which had
also cost Pat a fortune in more ways than one.
The wedding that never took place, the several move outs from home due
to the tension between Laura and her father, the list was endless! And
NOW! NOW! Just as Pat had thought she finally had her life back to
herself, Laura seemed to think she couldn't cope with her life. Why?
She didn't know. Laura's husband Sam, doted on her and worshipped their
two boys. He always helped with the cleaning, even bathed the kids
every night to give Laura a break. That's more than Pat ever received
from her husband when the girls were young. Pat recalled she felt more
like a mother to three children than two! He left more mess than the
kids put together and believed that his job was all the work he should
ever have to do, what was she complaining about? Sat at home doing
nothing all day. But that was the opinion of most men back in the day,
Laura just had no idea how lucky she was!

Pat was suddenly bought back to the present by Laura's words, "Mum, I'm
scared I'm going to hurt the kids. You don't understand what its like!
I'm scared to go to sleep incase I wake up and find a bloodbath in
which I've murdered my own children! Tom won't sleep and I have to
physically stop myself shaking and screaming at him. Jake deliberately
tries to upset me leaving a trail of destruction in his wake, my house
looks like a dump, and all Sam wants is sex! WELL I DON'T BLOODY WANT
SEX! I want my life back! It's all right for him, his little social
life going on at work, I have nothing outside of this dump."
Pat was shocked to hear Laura talk so about her own children and
husband. "Laura, your being stupid. Those boys are wonderful, normal
children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, now I must go, I
have a client waiting, I'll.."

Laura had slammed down the phone before Pat had chance to finish.
Well, Pat didn't have time to stew on it now. Laura would get over it.
Perhaps if she and Sam went out on Saturday night when they all came to
visit, Pat would baby-sit and they could have some time to themselves.
That should make her feel better.

Pat finally arrived home at 6.30 that evening after running late with a
client. She was due to meet Wendy in half an hour to walk the dogs,
just time for a slice of toast for tea, she thought pulling on her
walking boots. The sound of the telephone made her jump, "bloody
typical", she fumed running downstairs to grab the receiver.
"Yes?"

"Pat?"

"Pat speaking... Sam, is that you?" she thought she recognised his
voice although couldn't be sure. He sounded very faint.

"Yes it's Sam. Pat, it's about Laura,"

"Oh, for goodness sake, what is she whining about now?" looking at her
watch impatiently.

"She's not whining Pat, she's, she's....Dead" he whispered.

"Tell her to....WHAT?" Pat stopped short, what on earth was he talking
about?

"Where are you Sam? Is this some kind of joke? I only spoke to her this
morning."

"I'm at the hospital. It seems she gave the boys a prozac tablet each
to knock them out whilst she swallowed the rest of the bottle."

"Prozac? where the hell did she get prozac? Are the boys okay?" Pat
could hardly breathe.

"Her doctor prescribed them, apparently she was suffering with
depression, only failed to tell me."

Pat heard that anger in his voice, he had lost the woman he loved, she
should have told someone.

"Why didn't she tell me Sam? I'm her mother!"